Y Monday, January 11, 2010
insecured...
currently im at Azman's place. playing the lappy. and i swear i m feeling insecure right now. i was left alone at his place while he went down to fetch Mummy, and then came home Azlan from sch. so everything was fine. mummy knew i was here. but everything change when mummy daddy and Azman came home. Mummy didnt smile. Daddy was alright. Yeah, they saw me in the living room playing the laapy. after which duh! i salam them la. Mummy didnt say a word. she went straight to the room Wth. i feel so guilty right now. i swear im not sure what did i do wrong. i swear i need to know.to know my mistakes n not to do it again. i tried asking Azman but well, i dont see that somehow or another he is going to tell me. right?? maybe cause he was afraid that i'll get hurt by what he's going to tell me. okay okay. im not jumping to conclusions. i dont want to. hey, it might hurt me, i think, but its better off if you tell me right?? anw, now mummy and daddy and mummy sister who just came by all siting at kitchen talking about work?? should be la. and i think mummy had a rough day at work. sigh. pity her. how i wish i could help though. hais... and its alraedy 830pm. Azman watching tv. Azlan in the room. Me blogging and webcaming with Azhar and... feeling super insecure and... super hungry!!!!:( i only ate hotdog at 12noon in sch. nothing else in my tummy right now. i can cry anytime sey. no la.. not cause i hungry only but all the feelings im feeling now. hurrhurr... HELP!!! what am i suppose to do now?? okay okay. wait, Mummy daddy actually talking about house, money wise, i mean they shifting out soon. hmm? oh ya. i know i've not been blogging since last yr. im sorry. been swear busy with everything especially with Azman:) forgive me.
i got so much to tell actually. but nvm la. when im free then i'll type aye?? kekkkeeee. oh ya, i just ate two pizzas two drumplets and few wedges. damn hungry. now quite full. ltr nk kuar with Azman. dont know go where. bye now.
love, Kat.
salam.
Labels: projek cerpen
Y Tuesday, November 10, 2009
What are you thinking abt me Fish? I think i need to know. What do you treat me as? Im treating like a friend of mine, maybe more than a friend. but not as date. I keep wondering why you dont want to tell me that you're attached. Why aren't you admitting? Cant i know? Why not? You've been with your girlfriend for two years already. Im not here to be the third party, to destroy your relationship. I swear i have no slight intention to do anything sort like that. Fish doesnt know that i know abt his status. How? i do not want to ask him straight to the point. I want to play around the bush and let him be the one confessing. but again how? i already try telling him stories abt me hating to be third party. but he doesnt seem affected at all. Why does he have to lie? Is he thinking something else in mid? Anyway, you have been very nice to me. I really appreciate the times you accompany me. Taking good care of my helmet and help me up to school. Sometimes even send me. Yalah, workplace, home and school all near near mah... Hahahaha!:)
So wait, back to the topic. Why do guys act strange sometimes? maybe most of the time? Is it true what Renney say to me?
'girl, kalau lelaki kene skit je dgn perempuan they might think differently. same goes to girls, kene skit ngan jantan da lain girl perasaan...'
Is it true? Am i in the blame right now? Or Fish? Or both? I just dont wanna get caught again by their lovely girlfriends and jumping to conclusion about me with their boyfriends. well, if they wanna flirt around with my boyfriend then by all means, go ahead girls. Sometimes i'll consider myself as a bitch. not to just guys but yes girls to. Bring it on non-BITCHES!!!
Fuck! wth am i talking about?! shit im confused. thats the fact though. im running out of words right now. I dont know how to explain my situation with Fish.
i gtg. brb...
i shall continue...
bye sweets,
love, Kat:)
Labels: cuaght Fish
Y Thursday, October 22, 2009
GUNDU in da house!!!...
met B aka Ricko the other day. went to his place to help his sister out with some dance moves. well, lower sec sch kids. help here and there je. so yeah. simple simple. cause they still new and besides it was for fun and for sch. not much. just receive news that they finish doing the song. good lor. i use to be like them though when i just started. so cute la them. hahahaha! but they are still like shy shy like that. nvrm. everything you do needs a step at a time to move forward. brought my camera along. wanted to camwhore with the girls but they need to be home early. due to them i didnt attend sch. but hey, i aint blaming them. Kat kan gatal. skola tak nk! joget nak! ape je.. oops!:) sorry ppl.. so instead i cawhore with B. bukan die tak suke. hahahaha!:) thx dude! for camwhoring with me. i know its not much. sorry ler. batt cam low ler... my bad!:) so after which he book in and i went down to pasir ris to Wira's pit.
between Me and B...
please dont get the wrong idea between us. we may be close. too close as it seems in the pics above but nope nothing between us. we are just friends. trust me. okay maybe, close friends. nothing special. dont let me repeat. okay lovelies??:)
what is in the past, please remain it as in the past.
miss you GUNDU!:)
Wira's chalet...
there was Wira, Shazi, Azmin, Spark and our birthday boy, Jup Juppy!!!:)
HAPPY 17th BIRTHDAY JUP!!!
see i came down know. give you face la. lau tak jgn harap tau tau. birthday nye pasal. hahahaha!:) anw, ikhlas aku trun. so most pics at Wira's camera. wonder how to get it from him. anw, for now only two. again from my cam but batt flat.hurrhurr!:(
transfer me soon okay okay??thx Wira!:)
anw, i was early to school tdy. like first time plak tu siang. i was half an hour earlier then my timetable. had SW. erm know why? cause i ask F to send me to sch. oops! sorry ler... actually i ask him to wake me up so that i wont be late to sch. cause i know his working hours then Kat mcm siak mintak antar. after which he agrees. i was actually kidding, but he insist. so tak nk tolak rezeki ade di depan mate la kirekan ye. heh:) thx F!!!! pemalas sey Kat. padahal dekat siol sch with my place. so F, i owe you.. its sweet of you.
okay gtg.
love, KAT:)
Labels: smiless
Y Wednesday, October 21, 2009
finally im blogging. oops!(: sorry readers. sorry friends. i know i've been missing for quite long now. very long i mean. maybe been trying to move on? or should i say stand on my two feet again.now school has just started. i didnt come sch on mon, wed and fri too for last week. this week i didnt came to sch on mon and tues. many things happen within sept and oct. erm after the incident on my last post, two months ago, i was concentrating on fasting month. dance was on break. so left with sch and preparation for raye. my first trip to geylang was on the second week of sept. which after that it has been my routine ever seen. within 21 days, i think i went to bazzar for at least 10-15 days? for real.. i know. but trust me, i go bazaar not to shop. but to eat! oops! heh:) sorry.. my fav drink air selasih and food dengdeng. gagagaga. kat nak slim down? dunia terbalik kot?! malas la nak trun weight. unless i must to due to comps ler. but buat pe lau tak harus. kat gemok ke kurus ke. buruk ke lawa ke. tetap same. im still who i am. kan kan kan??:) anw, went out with random friends and meet random ppl there too. to kill time agaknye. i always pray not to see anyone though. but how to right? from long lost friends, to exdates, to exbf, to dance mates, to enemies?? sigh... and most importantly,i want to bring up, i incoincidencely saw Azman and Kip with Mummy and Azlan. i was with Bb Eliza Nina Nisa Ridwan and Asfar chilling under the train track. We were all laughing our ass out talking crap. yelah, sec mates. miss so much. catchup with life. i wasn't looking around not bothering ppl around me when Kip shouted my name. oh my! i was super duper shock. actually as always la kan whenever i dont expect to see he or she. and there they was. as i mention earlier on. so to be nice. i salam all and say bye? hahahaha. after which Azman ask me Q's like, what time heading home? with who? how you guys gets home? blalalalalala. and i keep saying pape text. cause to be honest. malas nak layan si panas baran tu. shheesh. sorry Azman but i was seriously was. padahal my ppd low know. so off they went sent Mummy and Azlan off to home. pendek kan citer they fetch me and Bb at joo chiat. so the past came back for the four of us. thats how our journey started.....
ill upload pics soon. currently my hardisk is with Bb. so yeah.. the pics will explain more i think?hahahaha:) whatever..
including bulan puase pics,which mostly i went to geylang. with random friends.
about my lovely raye,which is so not. i wont be saying much just pics i think.cause i didnt raye much. sad i know..hurrhurr. didnt raye with ite friends. didnt raye with mira. didnt raye with sec sch frineds. didnt raye with Bb. only family and of cos LNT<3!!!:)>
to Nina, Eliza and Fazlina...
i hope you guys are reading this.
you know how much we spent our times together during our sec sch yrs? especially chill at my house most of the time. lol:) yeah, you guys know yourself that my whole family knew you all. so the other day, my mum was saying,
mum "kakak, mane nina? kate nak dtg dtg for raye?tak nmpk pun batang hidung die?ape je.."
me "entahla mama.. busy kot. biarlah.. tak kesah..hmm?"
mum "da lame dorg tak dtg rumah ekh?"
me *silence
abg herman "ah kak, other then nina sape yg muke akan akan nina tu?"
me "sape?eliza?"
abg herman "ah! mane die? da lame tak dtg rumah?dulu slalu dtg. with the chinese looking girl also, fazlina. skrg bb je rajin."
me "biaselah.busy.. nina higher nitec. za poly mah... faz ntah. lol. hmmm?"
i went into my room and telling myself.
"hey BITCHES!!!miss miss you guys larrrrr!!!! hahahahahaha!:)"
okay okay... will edit and update soon!!!
see ya readers...
and im going KL this fri!:)
WWUUUHHHUUUU!!! HERE I COME KL!!!:))
*ssshhhhh... bye singapore! *brb
love Kat:)
Labels: phew
Y Thursday, August 27, 2009
to you,
thats it! thanks for everything. i was sobbing last night because of you. thanks for all the hopes. thanks for all the trust. thanks for all the concern. thanks for all the hug. thanks for all the kisses. thanks for all the care. thanks for all the messages and calls. thanks for being there for me. thanks for all the wake up call. thanks for believing. thanks for all the laughters. thanks for the love? thanks for the challenge!
guess i won the challenge you have challenged me. thanks for losing in this game. look who is the one couldnt stand with who. look who is the one giving up and decide to move on instead of waiting. look who is the one " sanggup ke tak sanggup?" told you so, "im patience".
you throw all my love that i treasured for you. i thought you showered me yours too but guess i was wrong about it. everyday, every hour, every mins, every secs its you that i see always. both in my mind and heart. all these have to put to a stop. no point! no point having this feeling anymore.
me: " hey i know its late. sorry to disturb you at this timing. i dont think this concerns you at all, maybe it does but just a lil a bit?i dont know. or you knew... but just wanna let you know i just misses you very much. hope to see you soon. really... and i'll look for your blue baju kurung okay okay??:)) sorry kalau irritating, night sweets! "
you: "kat. sorry i didnt reply your msg. just to let you know that im attached now. about the baju kurung. im sorry. my parents suroh tukar colour. sorry for everything. "
i couldnt reply. i didnt reply. just as easy as that right dude? i couldnt sleep last night. thinking about it and sobbing too much. i keep reading your messages. is it just a reason? to avoid? am i supposed to believe it? whatever... i kept your first few messages. i read it again, maybe before i would delete it... it makes me smile but it ends me crying again. gosh! i couldnt stop and handle it. sorry...
im not disappointed with you. im disappointed with myself. failed in love again. great! just great! fifth time in a row for this year. congrats to Kat??
oh ya, i have a huge hatred to guys right now. sorry guys. maybe im just not being lucky. nah, guys? forget it. trusting you? will take years now. thanks to the bunch of guys that i date. sorry...
me: "i hope you'll forgive me. i seriously do. im sorry. but please stop contacting me. i dont want to have any relations with you at all. sorry. forget me. thanks! "
i sent this to my closest guy friend and a date of mine. im sorry guys. forgive me to end 'us'. how i end up with guys pull me downs each time. yes, im a bastard! Kat is a Bastard!!!.. i agree, i admit i am...
to date,
im sorry that i have to this to you. getting you involve in the situation. but i couldnt help it. im sure you can find someone better than me. im sure someone out there would treat you better than i did. i need to let go everything. please forgive me. dont hate me. but if you do, its okay i understand. please dont jump to conclusion that i have someone else in mind, use to though. well, i dont. after what you read, you might understand why. SORRY...
lastly, to you,
hey, i really hope you're happy with the girl you with now. i pray both to have a longlasting relationship and be happy always. you happy, i more happy! :))) no worries. i can assure you i dont hate you. we are still friends you know!:) maybe we are better off as friends?? and im happy for you. like i said im not disappointed with you. its me dude. so do take care of yourself. and of course your dearie. would like to meet her one day?:))) hahahahahaha... just beep me anytime aye? i hope you read this mr! * wink wink *
love, Kat...
Labels: dont hate me
Y Wednesday, August 26, 2009
im in class right now. ending soon. just posting something short. i think. anw, what is on my mind right now, is what am i doing ltr. i got dance prac for this sat's performance. but im not in the mood to perform for this sat. im sorry everyone. im just not up to it. im just not confident for this show. forgive me... still deciding to come down or not. sigh...
i got assingment to do. partnering with nana k. but she is no where to be found. she meets yanbo outside class, so ya. see why im blogging instead?
i miss Rosziana Bibi. sorry girl for not attending prac and fail to meet you.
this friday im heading back to my sec sch. its teachers day. they are celebrating. wuhuuuu! i was supposed to do a come back performance but cancelled in the end. disappointed a bit but nah its okay. i'll still come down though. canat wait to meet the rest. not sure what to wear. aint attending class. yup yup!:)
its fasting month. im alright. still maintaining. just craving for BotakJones' mashed potato with cheese. wanna make for myself today if im breaking fast at home. hmm, and im still dont have any intention to break fast early. congrats.
i was bloghopping just now.
i was looking thru my crew mate's profile. Kiki especially...
really, to be honest... i miss the whole bunch of LURVE n TERM.
been missing prac for quite sometime. quite long maybe.
since then i didnt meet them.
miss all the fun they had. miss all the outings they make. miss all the stories they told. miss heading all the way to BBcc. miss simply evrything.
im not kidding. i feel down whenever i give a thought when im heading back to prac as usual.
i hope you guys hear me out there, I MISS YOU GUYS DEADLY!!!:((
i'll come down soon okay? i meet you guys. we update update aye??
wanna dance again with you ppl. raye again ramai ramai.
okay, im not crying.. please.. hold back hold back Kat!
sorry...
you know 'i love you'...
forgive me...
i wanted to attend this thurs for prac but i still have unfinished shooting. they promise thurs will be the last and finishing touch and also last scene. i hope so. cause i need to get my feet back to dance prac. i really do. scheduled always touch my tues and thurs. damn it. what to do. hey, is not that im not sincere helping but i freaking need to learn to manage my time. i admit im bad at it. totally... :(( my sunday is booked for yckcc comittment. sigh... ugh!
Labels: miss LNT
Y Tuesday, August 25, 2009
i know you have feelings for me. its obvious and you admit it yourself. im not sure if you're serious being with me. but im not ready to have anything serious with you yet. i just know you. you're just my date. you know that. your moves you done for me, i wont fall for that easily. how sincere you are i just need time to believe it so. sometimes you are too nice to me. too gentlemen for me. too sweet to me. too good for me. when myself? i dont treat you the same. im sorry but this is me. dont think i deserve guys like you. im sure you can find better girls out there who can treat you the same. you kept thinking about me, thats what you said, but in my mind is not you. its someone else. you should know who im referring to. i told you about him, remember?. you sacrifice for me too much already. and please, you know, I DONT NEED ALL THIS...
1.waited for me for an hour just to accompany me for dinner.
2.accompany me till 2am,waiting for kak zea's arrival which end up she didnt.
3.took taxi home and i know you're tired but still waited.
4.wait for me under my block for hours just to send me to school. without telling me.
5.wait patiently for my text when i dont reply your msges for days.
6.accompany me from home to joo chiat to prac and i force you to head home cause you wanna stayed.
7.fetch me from shoot,send me to prac,wait till prac ends, send me home and head home again.
8.give me cash when you find out i dont have cash. wth?!sacrifice your own money for what?!?! goodness!!!
9.and your blog!...
like i said, its too much. you know i wont say yes and agree whatever you want to do for me. you still did and make white lies to me. how stubborn can you be? tell mama about me? whats all that for?again?... im not being not appreciating your deeds at all. i do. i seriously appreciate everything you did for me. but again im not falling for it. and the reason i dont like it and accept it cause i feel wrong, i feel guilty... im just treating you as my date. again, date doesnt mean i have feelings for you. my mind, my heart, my feelings is to someone else. dont i sound like a bastard to you?!?! i know you would want to see something between us. but not now. i need time. im sorry. but i love being your friend,i seriously do.
maybe most people around me hates you. but i dont see why i should hate you too. you didnt do wrong to me. maybe you did in the past to them but it doesnt involves me. so im okay. and i hope people dont hate me cause im being friends with you. i love to keep my friends. i treasured my friends. so dont get easily influent by what others say. im not. unless he/she do something bad to me then i have a reason for hating. i hates when people talks about me, disturbed me when sees me with the person they hate. whats the point? none of us is disturbing others, why bother?
hey,one thing for sure...
i know you're not comfortable with them.
but they are my friends.
i hope you understand...
will be meeting you later. i think. breaking fast...
but you not fasting!
ASS:)))
hahahahahahaha...
kurus kurus, haiz...
love, Kat:)))
Labels: forgive me kurus
